Non Violent Communication (NVC) Workshop – A Review (What’s NVC and its Benefits)

I attended a Non Violent Communication (NVC)workshop this past weekend in New Delhi and it truly opened my eyes, ears, and heart to the world of communication and miscommunication.

A big thank you to the the trainer Saleem Ebrahim, who came down from Paris to conduct the NVC Worskhop.

Non Violent Communication or NVC for short was developed by Marshall Rosenberg, who brought to light the essence of communication – that we humans always knew how to do, but somehow for whatever reason, we lost touch with our own intuition and deep compassion for others.

To put it simply, Non Violent Communication is about addressing an individuals Needs - Your needs and that of Others needs to get to a point where everyones needs are met.

To illustrate NVC in a nutshell, Lets look at some examples of everyday communication.

1. A husband does not do his chores – His wife is the first to remind him that he is not responsible and is a complete asshole. (a bit extreme but lets work with this example ) and just to make sure we are not gender biased – lets reverse roles – the wife forgets and the husband starts the bickering.

2. A teenager does not clean their room. – The mother continues to constantly remind the teenager – Almost like an Alarm Clock on Snooze. Ultimately, the teenager rebels against the demand, storms out of the house. Panic and frenzy spread throughout the family with a emotional reconciliation that takes place a few days later – with promises that are made to be broken.

3. A baby cries – the parents think – 1) Baby is hungry 2) Potty alert 3) Baby needs sleep. The parents check and verify and address the immediate need.

Ask yourself – in which example(s) are Needs being addressed and what is the quality of the communication.

Slicing and Dicing the above examples using NVC awareness

Example 1. The husband does not do his chores. His wife tells him that very clearly. What she does not tell him clearly how she FELT because a particular NEED she had was not being considered and met.
Furthermore, she does not give him the avenue to express his FEELING and his NEED.
In reality – The wife probably FEELS overwhelmed – managing her work, kids, house etc and just NEEDS to be appreciated and acknowledged for her duty.

Example 2. The teenager does not clean their room.
The mother does not tell the child what she FEELS and what she NEEDS.
The teenager too cannot articulate what they FEEL and what they NEED and communicate that to their mother or others.
In the distant future, the child goes up and gets married and plays either character in Example 1.
In reality – The mother perhaps FEELS disconnected and needs to connect with her teenage child and the teenage child FEELS confused (puberty issues) and NEEDS space, freedom, or privacy.

Example 3. Baby cries – parents immediately focus on what the NEED is. Parents do what is necessary to meet the need and all settles down until baby expresses NEED again. The crying is not the issue, its the need.

Key Point being – if we were to clearly connect with OUR feelings and needs and that of OTHERS we would automatically arrive at a Win-Win situation (in most cases).

Summary
NVC is about intelligent communication that focuses on what is important to a person thereby creating empathy and compassion in an interaction and relationship.

Try this NVC Workout at home.
Situation A
Sit, down, relax – do a few minutes of deep breathing. When your relaxed. Focus on your feeling at the moment. Once you have the feeling, ask yourself what is it that you Need?
Situation B
While Sitting with someone you know, calibrate what they are feeling and take a guess as to what they need. To test your calibration, ask them if what you gauged was close enough to their feeling and need.

Sample List of Feelings – Happy, Frustrated, Upset, Angry, Relaxed etc.
Sample List of Needs – Food, Water, Love, Understanding, Care, Connection, Empathy etc.

Soul Rider absolutely recommends learning about NVC and applying it to your daily lives. There are going to be NVC meet up groups in the near future in Delhi and across India so watch the Soul Rider page on Facebook for updates.

To learn more about NVC – check out the following sites
http://www.cnvc.org/ (Global Site)

If you have any questions – drop me an email at rishabh@soulrideruniversal.com

Keep Blazing!